This is not my ceiling
Gayer than 8 guys blowing 9 guys
wow, that really makes you stop and think.
Whore.
I was being facetious
Don't try to hide behind big words.
Ed hardy makes air fresheners now. Now even the air can be a douchebag.
At least the cops kept you away from sleeping with her. Protect and Serve.
The cop was more concerned with the fact I had cowboy boots on with shorts than the fact we were under age
It looks like the misc $300 credit card fraud might have been our taxi cab driver who wouldn't take boobs as payment. No wonder...
Im calling him
was mistake calling. If you drunk dial someone you deserve to choke on a tubesock. Take the advice. Always remember
I'm just sad for you. It sucks that the 17 douchebag asshole guys you're fucking can't morph into one nice, normal, non-alcoholic guy that has a drivers license and no criminal history.
Also I'm very proud of th fact that I walked my dog before bed. Drunk dog walking should be an Olympic sport; it takes SKILLS.
One huge ass giant mistake followed by celebatory shots and coors lights thats my day in a nut shell
YET AGAIN, my financial planning for 2013 consists MOSTLY of eating chipotle as "brain food" and drinking Heavily before the Jeopardy contestant test.
Is it weird that I noticed my lower half feels strange and then further realized it's bc I'm wearing underwear to bed for the first time in weeks..maybe months?
No fair. I need a fuck buddy to entertain me till the power comes back on
Day drunk. He was sitting in the back seat, opened the door, leaned out, and peed right there in the dutch bros drive through. No one even noticed haha
Randomize
