Thanks to blow jobs, my margarita's at the bar are only 3dollars.
people from other dorms came to marvel at the dump i took. i had a bio major take a picture.
Oh please. You given/recieved a handjob out in public. I think that shy ship has sailed.
That still doesn't explain why you thought it was a good idea to paint a cow on my guitar
we bribed her with croutons and jello shots.
he asked my vagina if she was excited to meet Leonard. LEONARD. His fuckin penis is named Leonard.
I want to apologize in advance for texting you a picture of my penis tonight.
Seriously why is the deadbolt locked. This is the second time I'm having to sleep on the porch using my boots as my pillow. I can't wait till the next time your drunk.
Shhh, I'm sleeping. Just let it happen Jess.
He needs to stop telling me how much he respects me. What does that even mean
Think of this as an opportunity. Like Jesus just opened up his closet, and inside is an endless supply of huge, beautiful cock.
I can't believe I've come to a point in my life where sex for a birthday present is acceptable
I bet it kind of sucks while you do community service I'm getting blown in the shower. haha
Sweating vodka and spray tan, I feel like a trophy wife.
We dug deep emotionally while eating cereal
No more weed for you
A special kind of bond is formed between two people when they act as a pee shield for one another for drunken pisses in an alleyway
Randomize
