Mel Gibson is dating a 24 year old
You're not Mel Gibson and I'm not 24.
my vagina is like the nba. its where amazing happens.
An alarm set every 45 minutes saying "FATTY" and one every afternoon saying "CASPER" every day until spring break is a foolproof plan to being bikini ready
i'll never see her again. i cant remember her last name. this is like cinderella except prince charming drank too much jameson and couldnt save a phone number properly
the spit in my mouth is still 99% not mine.
Bro, there is a rent-a-cop selling syringes out of the trunk of his car. This is why I hate the DMV.
He has pizza coupons and a hammer next to his toilet.
Well, our assistant supervisor caught us on the back stairs...he invited us on a double date with his fiance and him. I guess our job approves of the relationship?
I saw him and didn't have sex with him. Responsibility five!
It's 2:10 am I am sprawled on the floor of the kitchen drunk and eating cold chicken wings come help
My purse is like an anchor I can't move I am sliding around like an over turned turtle send help
This floor is really dirty send a maid if you can
Woke up this morning with a darth vader helmet and a bath robe on with my toenails shitly painted
I just want to sing to him and rub baby oil on his head
I swear to the sweet baby jesus I didn't fill your freezer with salsa and my little pony toys, but I didn't stop them either.
We just fucked each other sober. #goteam
I'm going to get drunk, come back, call my grandma, and eat all those scrambled eggs.
Randomize
