That bus ride was like a tour of all the bushes I puked behind last night
Just got physical proof that at 6 am i was running around with raw potatoes threatening to mash them on his floor. Hello, Mobile uploads
If you're going to outback I'll have to decline, I've slept with a large enough portion of their staff already.
He thought the strainer was a giant bowl to puke in.
It's just one of those nights that , as long as you have the drugs, everything is going to be alright.
I'm not asking you to commit. I'm politely asking your penis to be my friend.
Holy fucking shit the worst thing for a hangover ever--A FUCKING BOLLYWOOD MOVIE BLARING IN CLASS
ARE YOU THINKING VAGINA THEMED RESTAURANT
Last thing I remember is ranting about hating pants. Woke up this morning pants less. Couldn't find them, decided to leave. Driving without pants is surprisingly liberating.
1. My arms are cement 2. I wish dogs could answer the phone
I just chugged whiskey at 7 AM because going to breakfasts at Brendas doesnt seem right if Im not real drunk. I feel like when Brenda takes my order she can tell Im drunk and will take care of me.
I only get hit on by people going through their midlife crisis. Yes, I did purposely write that gender neutral.
Just shared a bacon biscuit with my cat.... Life is weird for me right now
He climbed over 2 rows of the cab and told some random girl we were riding with that he would be in the back seat if she wanted to have sex
so my parents definitely heard me when I was cumming last night...
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