I just saw the preacher from the church I grew up in while I was buying condoms at the drugstore... he remembered me.
Classy. Drunk on alcoholic "energy drink" at work before 8 am on a Tuesday. Between that and hanging out in bars with no pants on, your life is beginning to sound like a Bukowski novel.
i walked outside and you were driving up the stairs to her apartment
If you don't come out tonight, who's going to wake us up in the morning because they're fucking in the middle of the room where everyones sleeping?
It was weird. Like "Mom, Dad, here's a guy who knows my orgasm face".
He told his ice cream cone it 'looked cute' and then started to cry. The Dairy Queen people were not pleased.
Yeah kinda weird. My grandparents are here for dinner and I'm chilling on the couch close to tripping out on pain killers. My pap asked me how works going and I prettymuch drooled on myself as an answer.
She was drunk and naked on our couch, sweating and masterbating to SNL. We made eye contact and she didn't even stop. It's new-roommate-o-clock
U thinks that's bad? He told me that he had to envision high school wrestling in order to bust a nut with some girl
I saw the attitude and didn't even try. Line of the night from one guy who talked with them for a while said, "I don't meet you standards. I have a job and would treat you well." She was blank faced.
I've entered the world of uncircumcised penises. It's disgusting.
Is it bad that I'm using the photo I took for my fake ID as my linkedin profile pic?
Never underestimate the power of loudly proclaiming you want to make out with someone
I renamed some of my contacts in my phone before passing out and I have one I cant figure out, its "fucking house elf scum"
I guess you never know how much of an impact you have on someone until you sleep with their cousin
Randomize