haha my mom just sent us out to go to all of the hair cutting places to ask for hair because deer ate all our zuchini.. and we have to pee in a bucket all day cause deer hate urine. please tell me we are normal?
i cant lie to you.
I'm sorry but when I'm riding in the trunk on the way to mcdonalds at 6 am I just don't want to listen to reba macintire
on toilet. in drag. drinking coffee vodka. I regret nothing.
i've officially fucked a sailor, a policeman and a biker. I've never noticed my Village People fetish until now...
She told me that when she orgasms she just lays there like that baby from teenmom. Who the fuck says that
She just kept introducing me to people by telling them which of their friends I've fucked
Breakfast of champions
Is that a dick crepe?
It is indeed
I'll miss you, too. On the bright side, a night away from one another might give me a chance to recup seminal fluids.
Now, one of you come feed me, the other read me my physics book...I'm too hungover for this shit...
So do you know how we found out he was engaged?
An Amber Alert?
and then after the older sorority girl asked me his name she said "he gave me the rest of his mcdonalds and I decided to go home with him. it was the best that I could hope for my night"
You wanna come over?
Too high to be booty called. My cereal is growing hair.
Yeah, I'm pretty glad I chose you to have drunken, sloppy birthday sex with.
That's the nicest thing anyone has ever said to me
I don't know, all I remember is waking up at 4 in the morning to him going down on me.
He’s only in town today and our afternoon sex sesh kept getting interrupted by the neighbor’s kid yelling and screaming in the pool
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