Ask me how many people I've slept with. Because its changed since I last saw you.
I saw you 20 MINUTES AGO. You need to stop this.
Can you believe The 5th Element didn't get best fight scene in 1997?! I'm still bitter. 12 years later.
Haha how do you remember that?
HOW COULD I FORGET?!
i don't care what she did to you. we are not having sex in front of your sister.
its not thanksgiving till you and grandpa shotgun beers out in the shed, and lose
You Were screaming "Im trying to get it in" and "stop cock blocking" while i threw you in the car
Maybe the downfall to liking really smart guys is that they're to smart to think about sex all the time.
Should I tell him the real reason I was in the hospital, or should I just keep him thinking the side effect he thought was in for was allergy related, not I just miscarried the child I didn't know we were having?
I NEED ANOTHER LEVEL OF CAPS TO EXPRESS TO YOU THE MAGNITUDE OF MY FADDEDNESS
Plus I'm pretty sure you said "love you" on the phone, so technically I should be putting you on some type of probation
Haunted Houses: fun, lame, or love to sneak off and get fingered in the dark alley way?
You're the common denominator of my blackouts.
He gave me my financial savings if I invested with him while I was giving him a bj.
Why did u text me "I want to get drunk and go to pizza hut tomorrow. don't let me forget." at 3am??
That text was pretty fucking self-explanatory, man.
I'll get the most aesthetic strap on, you'll see
We had sex in Lake Michigan for an hour Sunday.
Thanks for ruining an entire lake for me. I hate you so much right now.
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