Seriously, I would hit on barney the dinosaur right now if it meant I was going to get laid.
When I meet a new girl, I'm terrified of mentioning something she hasn't already told me but that I have learned from some light internet stalking.
Am i fat?
Well i wouldnt let you on top
He kept moaning America instead of Erica while fucking me.
do you really not remember him getting up at like 4am with a leaf blower running through the house and telling people to "WAKE THE FUCK UPPP"
sex in a tree stand. check.
you lucky bastard
You showed them your nipple for dollars for the jukebox. You were depressed because only one of your songs played. Oh then you twisted your ankle and blamed it on your mad stripper skills.
No shame in my game.
I'm toasting stale bread and thinking of you
Is that a sex thing?
I think my favorite day of the week is the day we get to fuck
I knew deleting his texts was a bad idea and I was right. I just used the last time we talked to help me figure out when I had my last period
Banged former boss. Adulthood achievement unlocked.
He just started dry humping the air... I'm done
I can't control his boners. I can only encourage them.
A relationship is waiting for him to fall asleep so you can cum (finally!) while watching porn
One can only be this extremely wet once a year and I feel like I'm bitch slapping god by not using this gift he has bestowed on me.
Randomize
