why did u let me go home with him last night?
u were determined it was a good idea
The last thing I remember is yelling "ill handle this" while wearing a lion suit and holding a jug of vodka when the RAs came
Try not to bring up the fact that I woke up and couldn't find my pants... He might get the wrong idea.
Second night spent with creepy guy. I either need to change his nickname or stop doing this.
Just picked them up. It took 6 holes and a handle of rum to evolve from golf to a demolition derby.
There's an entire pit crew of cart boys surveying the golf cart destruction.
We could supplement the Tour with Edward Andre-hands. Because 40s are for the 99%.
I want him to rain dance my fallopian tubes.
DO IT, or I'll send you pictures of my hickey to remind you of your loneliness
You fell out of the chair and then lifted your foot saying, "If my foot could give you the middle finger it would."
we dropped acid in chinatown. worst. idea. ever. too many colors. and nobody has any idea where steve is.
He was singing R-E-S-P-E-C-T to a stripper between motorboats while our HR manager cheered him on.
Oh you know just explaining sexual consent to a drunk 80 year old man. How is this my life?
I guess I was running around slapping people in the face with a slice of turkey telling them that the only way to beat alcohol addiction is to go cold turkey.
conclusion: canadians have really freaky sex
I'm gonna ask his dad. Weed trumps broken heart any day.
Randomize
