i wiped a booger on my final. end of semester present.
so whats your words to drink to for the state of the union? mine are 'change' 'fight' and 'you know'.
mine is 'the'.
Just found a shot glass and plan b in my backpack...
Im guessing the shot glass is for plan c?
Finals week has gone away, doo dah doo dah, drink martinis naked day oh da doo dah day
I have not carelessly put myself in herpes way since I got a clean bill of health tyvm.
I love my boobs, they're the only thing that supports me. They make me a solid 6.
All right cuz right now I'm in one of those moods where the shear thought of doing anything more strenuous than making a sandwich has me wanting to curl up in the feeble position and splash around in a puddle of my own tears.
Oh my Christ. I just came so hard my penis stood back up and took a bow afterwards. I need Thai food.
How bad is the voicemail?
You graded my boobs.... C minus. Asshole.
I mean you can't really blame him. He's named after whiskey and I don't get along with pants.
Your topless pictures make me question reality
He sent me a recycled dick pic! He could at least use one without sunlight in it, considering it's 10pm
Andy was trying to screw his door shut from the inside so no one could get in.
After a while I was so wet that I started crying. HE MADE ME SO HORNY I WEPT.
I opened my eyes to the dog snorting coke, I decided it was best to just close my eyes and forget what I saw
Randomize
