It took you an unbelievable amount of time to realize that your ass was on fire.
That's the last time I try to be adventurous at a gas station
Just topless shotgunned a bud light alone. I am about to peer mentor the shit out of these freshmen.
Hey bro, did you ever hear from the background investigator that i was supposed to bang?
admittedly, it's a little weird getting relationship advice from the mother of a former one night stand. but she's a wise lady and she buys me drinks, so i'm ok with it.
Well the walls are thin and I can hear the couple next door having sex. I think their dog is somehow involved.
Let me stew on this while im plucking my nipple hairs and showering.
The same guy who pierced my nipples just told me he can help tutor me in precalc.
Then she said I give the best mouth hugs and bar went silent.
Nobody knows who they are, but they have an ice luge so they are welcome in my book
im buying my prof a giftcard to the state store bc he talked ab crying into a glass of tequila so he deserves it
Headphones came off my phone same time as The Weeknd sang "Who's gonna fuck you like me?"...Everyone at work heard it.
You may be fancy. But you'll never be having cheesy garlic bread and scotch at 3am fancy.
If I had any lingering questions about my sexuality, the strip club tonight verified I'm 100% gay
I googled my name and pictures of you drinking showed up. Way to steal my thunder....
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