woke up with peach flovored chap stick on my taint ! dont ask why i know it was peach
i got kicked out of Barns and Nobles cuz i put all the bibles in the fiction section
i effin hate jeff goldbloom.
but i totally would still bang him
I wish i could clap on, clap off my penis
i was so high that i was eating crumbs of my bed only to realize they were fuzz thingies. fml.
what kind of one night stand wants to walk you home in the morning? whole diff kind of walk of shame.
I don't remember much but I think I'm wearing your underwear, and for that, I am extremely grateful.
Can I come take down that wallpaper yet? I stopped seeing that dude and I need to occupy my time with something besides getting drunk at bingo night and cussing out old people. Also, i'm not sure on the legal stipulations but I might have, unintentionally, committed grand theft auto at some point.
I asked him to make me two boxes of macaroni and cheese. That's like eight servings. How did I think that was an okay amount.
but I'm still not sure how you became more and more fluent in Spanish the drunker you got
the only reason I'm still sleeping with him is to get the university's secure wifi password
I don't know how much expertise I could offer. My best advice is, "don't drown, for god's sake don't drown"
Also I think I set a new personal record. Definitely slept with him less than 45 minutes after meeting him. Oh god my life.
I'm seriously considering selling my books back early. I don't use them anyways and I could really use the beer money..
It feels like heartburn in my lungs. I'll buy 2 pounds.
Randomize
