Holy cold harsh reality of sobriety batman
he called me a worthless slut and then went 2 the bathroom 2 pee on the floor before leavin. but he was really hot and he left his jacket, should i call him?
k so who do I think I'm kidding applying to culinary school? I just fucked up a microwaveable pizza
no. i just ate a whole thing of hot dogs. me and regret are sleepng alone tonigh.
ive penciled you in for a day of excessive drinking
I'm glad I get the same reaction from you for cookies and for my naked body
Do you have any pix of it limp? I wanna see the metamorphosis, like a cock caterpillar turning into a giant beautiful cock butterfly!
Who knew that "When in doubt, pelvic thrust" would end up being the best motto ever? In other news, I think I may have joined roller derby.
Dave when you find that upper decker at your house its from me but its for Jill not you
I'd like to be surprised that there's a picture of someone pouring champagne in my boobs on Instagram, but I can't.
Remember last time I drank with my mom? I asked if I got my dick sucking abilities from her.
Summer bikini season begins today. I hereby declare the commencement of the 2013 HUNT FOR CUNT.
I got into the shower with my underwear on. I just sat down in the tub and tried to figure out when I lost all control of this hangover.
Naked. naked and bneed help.
If you saw or spoke to me yesterday can you message me. Trying to make a timeline of the day I was too drunk to remember
Randomize
