Sex on a trampoline was so worth getting a mosquito bite on my penis
By the way, shout wipes are a gift from god for people that throw up on themselves.
She said i kept moaning her moms name instead of hers
you just kept saying 'take out my tanks' and tell the cab driver to go slower, i have no idea what you were talking about but i'm glad you had fun.
I'm confused about why you felt the need to ask me to buy you life alert for christmas at 3:28 this morning.
they superglued a cigarette to my fingers...i think I need to quit smoking.
Also I'm very proud of th fact that I walked my dog before bed. Drunk dog walking should be an Olympic sport; it takes SKILLS.
you really need to stop getting laid in my dreams more than i do.
She just broke into my apartment while I was asleep, woke me up and drunkenly tried to seduce me for about 2 minutes, then passed out..
So you'd go straight for a fat chick with cheese on her tits?
Yes.
I can see your house from here
Get off of his fucking roof
I kid you not. He let me in into his house, showed me the putt putt in his backyard. Offered to play me.
you were walking down the sidewalk and just puked. didnt even stop or slow down and just kept going. i was so impressed i didnt even tell anyone you threw up on passing peoples shoes.
Once someone takes a shit in your toilet they are no longer a guest.
Yea.. And you'll love me a whole lot more when I start letting my vagina make all the decisions..
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