Pretending to be straight requires way more energy than I'm willing to use in this heat.
Why didn't I see you last night!?
We made out like 4 times....I think I saw you.
I smell like gasoline and adventure.
I'm pretty sure I'm the first person in the history of this college to rollerblade their walk of shame.
And is it bad that I haven't talked to guys who I haven't already dated? I feel like a recycle bin.
i am bringing shame upon my ancesors with my weak liver valhalla will never accept me
I just called the on campus pharmacy and asked the pharmacist to tell me how each one of my medications will react with "excess alcohol consumption". And I'm not even ashamed...I've reached a new low.
Talking to friends parents while buying all the things needed for Jell-O shots. classic
Is it inception if it feels like another uterus is going to burst out of my current uterus?
How was it playing wingman?
I feel like I was rockys coach watching him get the shit beaten out of him by Apollo creed
Got drunk and passed out flintstone vitamins to everyone at the bar. I'm just so god damn motherly
Getting dressed and listening to the song Buffalo Bill danced to in Silence of the Lambs. I'm a perfect psych major.
You didn't try to help me when I fell on the dance floor. She brought me cupcakes. You're a shitty friend, suck your own dick.
Phil and I agree that the level of sand in your vagina rivals that of many of the earth's largest deserts
Things he's good at: oral sex and geometry. Things he's not good at: actual sex.
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