are you so shy because you have an std?
i called her out for picking her nose in public and he still wonders why i don't like her!
yeah, I said "hi, I'm the creepy old guy at the college bar" and she said that she like mature men, wasn't expecting that line to work
$5 off purchases of eighths or more today only. Happy tax-free weekend. -Your consumer-minded pot dealer
No it's cool, He's been doing my English papers in exchange for lap dances since the eleventh grade. We're very professional.
I dont think that yelling at the medic "Christmas is gone, fuck off santa" was the best idea when you couldnt feel your legs.
Don't underestimate her when she starts going by "the vodka queen"
I peed sitting down because I knew standing was a lost cause
He was late, on account of he accidentally went to the Al-Anon meeting across the hall, and it took him 30 minutes to realize he was in the wrong room.
Don't drink and shop. I went for happy hour and came home with a fog machine. I now have no other choice but to scare the shit out of my neighbors with it.
He told me that he'd ride his snowmobile from Cincinnati to Toledo in this blizzard just so I could give him head.
Would I be a horrible mom if I got a babysitter at 6am so I could go get laid.
He asked me what I wanted for Christmas. I told him an orgasm would be nice.
All boys are excommunicated from my vagina until further notice.
It was some weird herd predator-evasion instinct. All 15 of us took off running in different directions, and the two cops just stood there, perplexed. They had no idea who to chase.
Randomize
