dude, that chick is coming to see me and stay for 2 nights. I'm hitting the 3rd in the trifecta of friends.
You're one hell of a depraved bastard dude, I'm borderline speechless. You officially win.
They all have matching tattoos so they're all official bffs. I love my life.
Get over here. It's an emergency. Just realized I haven't hd my mouth on a penis in two weeks. Get over here.
My patience ran out after you started clapping at the strippers everytime they took off a piece of clothing.
were lost, were cold and we don't know what to do with the stray cat we found.
remind me again why lemons and alcohol in the crock pot is a bad idea?
Is shaving my mustache contingent on you sleeping over tonight?
He was wearing a tux and a big sombrero so it automatically made the flute he was playing totally cool
I need a costume
Dude just wear a bra or something hahaha
I need to reevaluate. My boss gave me drug money. I overslept on my couch. And I had my student teacher go to McDonald's and get an egg mcmuffin for me.
He's drunk and I'm pain-killer high and we're about to watch fireworks at disney world. It's gonna be fucking magical
It was like, once I started flashing you, I couldn't stop.
We're starting to light shit on fire, bring a metal bucket. Be prepared, Jimmy's off his meds.
Seriously. There were about 4 hours in which I swear my nose was not attached to my face.
Alone, in the dark, eating tacos and drinking vodka. Who's apartment is this?
I was just in the bathroom and some guy yelled all hail the king... i cant go anywhere without getting recognized anymore.
Randomize
