I woke up naked in my living room and my mom was next to me like we need to talk
Whats contracted in vegas does not stay in vegas....
id tell you what to do, but my morals dont exactly scream, "Listen to this guy!"
When my girlfriend drinks sangria it's like winning the vagina lottery
Becky drew a cock on my face and is making me sit on the step.
what did you do that she drew a cock on your face and supplemental questions why did you let her?
It's all fun and games until the last slice of pizza gets bong water spilled on it.
She was wasted. Kept yelling "what if I'm pregnant" and trying to push me into the tree. First and last time I bring a girl to my family christmas party.
According to the transitive property, he has now had dick in his mouth.
he may be homeless but his dick however is not... anymore.
So, when I got arrested, they fingerprinted me. I'm getting my nails done right now and I'm pretty sure he's filing off my prints. Worth the $30.
Looked like a bag of smashed assholes and smelt like a brewery - still got morning sex. Marriage rules sometimes!
Who are you to come into MY house and tell me when I can or cannot take my pants off?
There's a quesaritto in the oven. Neither of us have been to Taco Bell in 3 weeks.
Someone needs to fuck me in my slutty pumpkin costume and I would ideally like it to be you
I have acquired a mango...tonight is successful so far
Her name is susan
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