Def gonna have stinky sex sometime soon. GOT TO! she has eligible friends for you, as well.
Is this a definitive no? All is forlorn? Such is fine, but i'm drunk and a sucker for concrete answers
Nothing like throwing up 1/2 price appatizers and 2 4 1 personal pitcher in uniform to remind myself what a succesful failure I am
you left me with this keg alone. this is on your hands
Guess I'll put him on my to-do list too. But closer to the bottom since we dated before. That's almost unethical.
Thanks for getting me stoned. My manager started quizzing me about the menu and I struggled until he asked me to describe the tortilla soup. I said "tasty"
I shall welcome him into my body with an open liver and completely lay down all chance of resistance. Sweet Zeus, please take me to Mt. Olympus and share all that is divine. I promise, the secrets will be safe with me
Boobs are out for the taking
I just used a beer funnel to put gas in my car
Where are you? We're in between the guy dressed as a giant inflatable penis and the Justin Bieber lookalike lesbians
Does the penis have a genital wart?
Congrats on dating a convict, there's no fitbit badge for that one.
I offered to trade my cat for a bottle of tequila as long as it had a handle on it and realized I had a problem
She gave me a collar. When I asked what this was for she replied "I'm taming your dick"
I cannot believe all 4 of us had sex at the same time, in the same bed... And it didn't turn into a foursome..
No, he came home, unscrewed all of the lightbulbs, and threw them in the sink.
Randomize
