I walked downstairs and there were 50 sorority girls. I wasn't expecting an audience during my walk of shame.
you lied. pity sex is amazing.
I have decided to cut my hair. This is based solely on the fact there is too much of it to clean vomit out every Sunday afternoon.
Do you ever just think "I could really go for a good 30 minute blowjob". I do. Everytime jill smiles.
I have 20 seconds to get my life together and look presentable.
Joe decreed the livingroom and the hallway up to the burn mark his kingdom. I think this is the point of 'stage an intervention'
It's okay though. My mom didn't believe that they were mine cuz they were magnums. Having a surprisingly large penis ftw
i love when the champions come out to play im bringin the shock collar this weekend
My apartment is so clean right now, I should invite someone over for sex just so someone can see how clean it is.
How many of my Tinder dates can my Christian roommate accidentally meet in the hallway at 3am before she's horrified and moves out?
Haha I'M GOING TO MISS HIS PENIS SO MUCH. But not his bipolarness.
3.5 bazillion penises. So not that hard to find a new good one
I was drunk, but not drunk enough to forget I had some dude on his knees begging for forgiveness.
uh why is my bathtub filled with kool aid? or is that blood?
When have you ever know me to go too far?
Besides the alcoholism, the HR issues, and getting fired from Best Buy for tackling a display?
Yeah. Besides those.
Btw I puked in your glovebox
Randomize
