he invited me to an all week drinking party at his house. apparently he knows the key to my heart is booze shaped.
I'm too high to be shopping. I just contemplated deoderant for fifteen minutes. Now testing pillows
He cant even get with danielle. Thats like striking out in t-ball
My BOSS just pulled out a box of Christmas stuff labeled reefs.
watching elf naked is so much better than watching it with clothes on .
what date should I let him know how fucked up I am?
i got iced as i was inside of her. i fucking hate my friends
No, that was the night I was sneezing out barf
dude i woke up sitting indian style with my face on the ground and my hand in a bucket of ice.
Sorry if I put you in that 'glad we're hanging out but I'm gonna go fuck your cousin' kind of position
He's claiming he can open a beer bottle with anything. He's been trying for a while now with a power rangers action figure and he is just cutting the hell out of his hand. There is blood all over billy
So do you know how we found out he was engaged?
An Amber Alert?
If I die it's either cuz I undercooked my burger or because I used questionable cheese. I have no pants on, so if there's a wellness check, you go in first.
Btw, the reason I have a black eye is bc I needed to puke so hard yesterday morning; I whipped up the toilet seat so fast that I railed myself in the face. Then spent the rest of the day more carefully puking. Kind of why I'm not in the mood for drinking.
His condition for us having sex was that I wore my show boots. #equestrianproblems
Randomize
