I just masturbated mid-day, thinking of you
I think that is one of the most romantic things I have ever heard from a fuck buddy on v-day, there is a strong possibility that you will soon be my girlfriend.
seriously who else gets carried home puking from a fucking mary kay party?
Yessssssssss. I got taped to a couch last night apparently. I also thought i was close to scoring after talking to some chick about hard boiled eggs
whatever buzz i had immediately ended when i saw her run through a sliding glass door
I sent him a naked picture of me with the caption "I lost at beer pong, this was a dare. Hope your nights going as good as mine" I've never talked to him in my life, this is a strange way to start.
The face that yo gabba gabba comes up when I'm stoned and searching for yoga workouts is scary or dangerous
If you happen to tell anybody my drunk story in the near future, please refrain from telling them about me shitting myself. People are getting the wrong idea and random people are messaging me on Facebook making fun of me for that
Regardless of age or alcohol consumption, the knowledge that my dad spanks my mom sexually has the very real potential to fuck my shit up.
I found her in my pantry with her shirt off twerking...I tapped her on the shoulder and she said she was giving Chef Boyardee a show and to give her a minute...
I just don't wanna be that girl with no ride and no pants
I just jacked off to nostalgia.
My life has come down to me literally sitting on an uncrustables trying to defrost it because I’m drunk alone and hungry.
I'm unsure if I could pee myself at this point in my life
I would like you to know, a bag of cheese cubes just attacked me at work.
It's like his penis moved in and did some interior decorating without telling me first...
Randomize
