I love family holidays its the only time when playing beer pong, and smoking hookah with my family isnt looked down upon
there is potential here for me to have a consistent access to someone's dick who isn't actually an asshole. i think i'm ready for a relationship.
I will not ride trays down a flight of stairs topless and drunk....
Well, as a member of the greater american southwest gay community I just have to mark this as a total loss and you will be missed.
I think she faked a seizure to get out of it ...
Strip mythology. Everyone wins. Most of all me.
You forget how awesome toilet paper is until you have to wipe your ass with a piece of notebook paper...
I fucking love your mom. She's so drunk and fully functional. I aspire to be her one day.
I just saw my 7th grade teacher at the club. We had a pretty good talk over drinks. Turns out we both like dancing on tables.
She throws back shots like they are NO-THING. I swear, she goes through like five straight tequila shots, does a jello shot, chases with half a hot dog, has a rum and coke, and then takes her shirt off and makes an impromptu bandage out of it for fuckin' Tim who cut himself on the flagpole. I'm going to marry her.
I have an important idea to tell you when I'm sober about a cat scratching my nose once and what it taught me. DONT LET ME FORGET.
Happy hour crawl turned into power happy hour turned into tequila shots turned into I'm drunk in class on Cinco de Mayo at 7 am.
I went to Walmart last night to buy some CDs--which is a sentence I never thought I'd say in 2016.
Lmao. K I'll be 100% honest. I was over at your place like 12 hours ago with your roommate. If I hadn't of been there then I'd take you up on your booty call offer. So. If you're not creeped out another time please?
....even the bartender was embarrassed for her
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