Thank God for loud music. There is a circus in my butt right now.
I thought if I stared at him long enough he'd walk me to my car. but he didn't. he dddidn't. i rreally thought i had those powers.
I may have been to starbucks and 2 classes with balls still written on my face...
there's something wrong with the internet when a search for "barney the dinosaur violence" comes up with nothing
about to play the homeward bound drinking game. alone. what are you doing tonight?
Woke up with pink eye in both my eyes. That's how the threesome went
well let's see. after you forcefully shoved a half-eaten apple in my mouth, you ruined the pepsi by dumping an entire beer in there.
Somehow me not being able to breathe due to cocaine doesn't seem very domesticated.
Just heard the girl at the bar cuss her bf out and order a long island ice tea. Going to give it 5 min then I'm going in. See you on the other side.
Life just isn't the same without him waking me up at 4 in the afternoon with a look of pity on his face...
Why did you send me 12 pictures in a row of your expressionless face at 2:30 am?
I can't tell if I'm getting better at doing my online spanish hw drunk or if my teacher is just grading on creativity. Either way that senoritas gettin an applebees gift card when i graduate.
Nothing more ironic than raw dogging some random Asian hottie last night and then doing the walk of shame home from her place mixed in with the participants of the AIDS walk
I m a li title tea p or short and sto u. T.... Here is my haaandley
C ANGT CATCH NE IM THE GIBNGER BREAS MAB
I can't decide which is better: the sex, or remembering that I have ice cream in the freezer after he left
Randomize
