she peed. on the sidewalk. it is 2 pm. Help.
tried to order jimmy johns from the ER last night, the nurses did nottt approve
You know you stopped at a liquor store to prepare for a 12-year-old's birthday party, right?
It's not quite a landing strip... It's more like a soul patch for my vagina.
Walked back to my room from the bus last night and all I see is 3 of my friends on the porch chugging whiskey and then throwing up in unison
No he's here. We were watching Harry Potter stoned as shit and he fell asleep with his head in my lap. I'll figure out what to do with him after Harry gives Dobby the sock.
Yknow what, if there is a thug life for white bitches, I'm living it. I went out on a date, watched howls moving castle with my brother till he passed out, then went and got some a+ dick, and made it home in time to take my mom to work. Now its 7am, I'm in bed with some free tacos, and when I'm done eating I'm going to sleep. What a great night.
I can't believe you didn't come out. There was a duckling ON THE BAR!
Who put the meatball sub on my door handle?
I went home with him again and he LEFT HIS OWN HOUSE at 2 in the morning while I was IN THE BATHROOM.
Now i know i wasnt that drunk... So why are there texts of me volunteering for a nude photo shoot for an art major student?
Would the comment "Down Goes Frasier" be too inappropriate at this time?
He told us when he was 10 he started shoving bars of soap up his ass for pleasure so i winked at him
Bruh. You offered the cashier tater tots that you had stuffed in your pocket.
Yeah, and? She might've been hungry.
His penis is average but his stamina is amazing!!! I didn’t know I had that many orgasms in my body!!!!
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