I don't know where your sunglasses are, I was too preoccupied with girls not old enough to drive past midnight.
She's like Mona Lisa when she's intoxicated. No one understands her but they all think she's marvelous
I think the waitress doesn't beleive I have friends coming. I've had 4 drinks and a large salad just waiting for you guys.
i've already watched her fall off the steps, walk up on our porch and try to dance with the dog, and stumble across the street to stand outside the neighbors window...is it taking it too far to watch this rando girl and some guy have sex behind our parking lot now?
Just write off about 10000+ brain cells and 6 months of your lifespan.
Sounds like a normal friday night
I'd say the best part of the party was when you screamed to everyone that you were gettin dome on the reg
Why is Kyle using one of my nieces as a blunt object to provoke and attack my other niece?
Like, he's a nice guy. But he's better at fingering than he is at speaking.
I'd feel bad about being drunk at the Christmas service, except for the fact that I've already had sex in this church, so this is just small change.
i dont know whats worse..that i woke up in a gorilla suit or that its covered in peanut butter
Are you trying to say I've made an emotionally well rounded transformation similar to the Grinch?
It’s like a buffet of marriages! Every option is available to you!
Considering all of my stomach contents ended up in my center console, I'm a bit peckish.
I got snowed in at my parent's. everyone's asleep so I'm smoking a joint in my old room and watching Tarzan on a 12" tv.
They must be so glad to have you home...
Fruitcakes are only good for throwing at neo Nazis.
Randomize
