THAT'LL be a good time.
and i don't know why my phone always capitalizes that word.
def just vomited mimosa in the gym trashcan. i weigh less already so i say its been a solid workout.
The bar posted my picture because my name changes with each new fake i get. i'm getting a wig.
We were confused who drove until we went outside and her cupholders were torn out of the dash and laying on the ground
If it was designed to hold water, it was designer to hold wine
The guy I fucked in San Diego is camping with us for coachella... Awk.
Apparently from about 3-5AM I was consoling that crying stripper about her life choices.
I may, or may not have licked his face in an Applebee's.
What's the mantra for Sunday?
I will not have sex with him.
I just got St Patricks day and the day after St Patricks day off, wich I'm pretty sure is as close to a raise as I'll ever get.
I had the choice between 9 burritos and 1 girl...
And...?
i think im in europe. pls send help
I pay 3K a month for rent, yet last nite I broke into the back of my building, scaled over 2 tons of garbage in heels and took a dirty freight elevator to my floor just so my doorman wouldn't see how fucked up I was
U know ur prob on camera right?
You're my best friend, so I'm kinda scared to say this, but.....I kinda feel odd when I show up with you at your family events and I have banged or blown at least 3 people in the room
I don't wanna SLEEP with him, I want to start bar fights with him. There's a difference.
Randomize
