I will also inform you that stairs change when you change a house. Those hurt.
I'm having post traumatic stress flashbacks of last night. That big. Don't know whether to call him again or change my name...
currently shading my boobs to make it look like i have mass cleavage...thanks art school
Congratulations, you are no longer the only person who has watched me drunkenly pee on their furniture.
Also, turning on the light this morning was a 3 step process. Way too hungover.
No, I did not fuck him for football tickets. I fucked him for tickets to the superbowl. I'm not that much of a slut.
You may now shotgun with the bride
It was fine until they started lighting shots of everclear on fire and making ME take them. That's when shit went down...
He threw up on my head while I was blowing him, and then I started barfing, and the kitchen floor was a mess. Believe me, he will never, ever live this down.
you bit my nipple really hard and then looked at me and said 'i feel responsible for the state of your nipples'
Your cousin just directly asked you for nudes
As she came, she moaned Roll Tide. I kid you not.
Shit facedness and cuddling are what you have to look forward to this evening.
I am so dumb. I made a mistake and let him get away.
Don't worry, there are other penises in the sea.
Thanks, mom.
Pandemic Silver Lining: cheap hotel rates makes it easier to have afternoon fun with my side dick
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