Just crossed the line with my beat friends girl twinsie. Didn't realize tillz afta how much the look alike and an thougholy creeped out. Thanks ciroc
Umm you don't wanna know how many "I'm sorry for calling you last night" fb wallposts I just had to write...
Dude, he sent me a pic of his dick. I thought dating a married man wouldn't remind me so much of high school. Seriously.
Just because he's a soilder doesn't mean his dick is a hero.
That combination of brocholi bacon eggs cheese ketchup and pasta would have been a revaltion had you not thrown up on the stove and put out the pilot light
They all laughed at me when I bought that necklace from Life Alert. Who's laughing now?
I took an adderall. This is weird. My eyes are really wide open and I am really good at staring. I've written on 9 peoples walls and updated my status. I am getting shit DONE!
It was one of those "wake up holding a random metal flower" kind of nights.
Blacked out last night, but left myself a note that said "oops on oops on oops" that can never be a positive
Jacked up my neck and shoulder hanging on for dear life while I rode him like a boss. Plus my house smells like broccoli, bad! How's YOUR morning?
I hate to stick you with the friend but I did all the work.
I got to her place and she was petting her cat and pounding vodka out of the bottle. She looked like Dr evil in yoga pants. She's nuttier than squirrell shit.
It's astonishing how many Ludacris lyrics you know
He was walking around and kept offering the neighbors flamingo lawn ornaments shots of vodka.
My father has a definite type: blonde, busty, 18-22. It was awkward when I was in college, but now I'm over it. I play wingman for him and he buys me expensive purses for the assistance in getting him hooked up with girls younger than me. Win-win.
Randomize
