i caught a guy at work today stealing condoms. i let him go when i realized that they were extra small.
Can you tell me we didn't drink from a fish bowl we found in the bathroom last night? I know it would be a lie; I just need to hear it.
I wish i could be on x for the rest of my life.
You couldn't hold yourhead up but you managed to unzip my zipper. That's skill..
By the way, thank you for feeding me fries when I was sitting on the floor.
We have a pile of chopped wood here that suggests we may have chopped down a tree of some sort.
I cried at the bouncer while saying I wished he was my father... They had no idea what to do with me.
Sorry bud. Having a shitty day because the GF broke up with my wife and I. We really liked her too
Lets just say I tried to pinky promise the cop... So I was fucked up.
Trust me. My dick only does selfies for you.
Whatever you have to do, STALL THEM. Your toothbrush is in the kitchen, my pants are on the balcony, and I don't have eyebrows.
Then his buddy called and said "my car broke down, I need a ride. If I'm not home by midnight they'll extend my house arrest." And I knew it was time to leave.
lol hangovers are for mortals.
He fucked me in one of the back rooms at the club then gave me an altoid. I have mixed feelings about it still.
Is there a number of dicks a girl can have in a weekend before it becomes unacceptable? Asking for a friend
Remember! It’sa long weekend and a holiday weekend and it’s America’s birthday! So don’t short change me!
I thought you were asking for a friend
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