After a valiant attempt at golf, I think it's time for Tiger to go back to doing what he does best- having sex w/ blond, white women.
I'm officially "accidentally set myself on fire" drunk
Nothing like all your friends getting engaged to remind you how much fun sleeping around is.
Showerbowl immediately followed by pullups naked. I feel like fucking Tarzan
You never know, some chick could have a weird unibrow fetish.
Great. Now I'm always going to be the roommate that boned a guy with a third nipple.
As I fucked him you stood outside my door screaming, "I'M NOT JUDGING YOU!" over and over.
I was judging you.
How's my date look?
Like a retarded elf
In a good way
you look like you're about to get down on your knees and give america the business.
I stole all of the toasting champagne and did an interpretive dance to "wind beneath my wings". I am literally everything you're not supposed to do at weddings.
But your showmanship is impeccable.
I WOULD NEVER MIX DICK AND MCDONALDS
New drinking game, drink every time Rhianna says "Work" in her new song.
No problem...what are friends for if they can't rub eachothers genitals.
Yeah. Broke it off. Saw her cheating after she forgot to turn her zoom off. Ring=$$$. Not making that mistake-priceless
I don't wanna SLEEP with him, I want to start bar fights with him. There's a difference.
Randomize
