She said I could do whatever I wanted to her. I pumped for 20 seconds, apologized, rolled over and passed out. I sit directly across from her at work. Awkward?
It was amazing what she could do with her one good arm.
kill, fuck, marry: alice cullen, hermione granger, ginny weasley.
damn... fuck alice for sure, I feel bad but i think I have to say marry ginny... and kill hermoine! I can't believe I'm answering this right now.
the third sister isn't as attractive as the other two but I will do her anyway to finally pull off the fabled family hat trick.
You were so drunk that some guy dressed as Harry Potter pointed his wand at you and screamed "Accio SHITSHOW"
the amount of blow i got, New years should last a week.
My mom assumed I was crying because he was leaving. Figured that was better than explaining my eye's sensitivity to semen..
this is the second time this week i got a blowjob from a crying girl.
I think I'm interested in anyone that recognizes I actually have a pulse
Mom looked at me, frowned, and said "it makes me sad to see you drink before noon.." So i told her if she doesn't like it she needs to stop waking me up before noon.
I think everyone, including the amish, know who you are after this weekend.
I also don't hate being called a giant sack of cheese. Is that weird?
we're so committed to being not committed
How is someone going to pee on the floor two days in a row? Fuck this place.
I will fuck anyone who brings me mcdonalds right now
Randomize
