looks like were buying each other an abortion for our one year present...
i found your underwear in my bra... i dont even remember how this happened.
shit. all i remember is the look on your moms face.
I'm to the point in my high that every song eventually turns into Lady Gaga
i love waking up at 5am with an imprint of a toilet seat on my chest
I found them in the kitchen microwaving bottle rockets chanting U.S.A U.S.A U.S.A
I hope his life after cheating on me is as good as Tiger's golf game is these days.
I feel if a girl leaves my house the next morning feeling degraded and in desparate need of a shower, then I have succeeded.
I just ate a dove chocolate and the wrapper said "chocolate: always your valentine" WHAT KIND OF JACKASS WRITES THESE AND WHY MUST THEY MOCK ME?
Get the cougar, get the cougar, get the cougar. Act like an injured baby deer. She will either eat you alive or nurse you back to health either way its still sex.
Nope we are at the ER my brothers crazyass neighbor kinda stabbed him in the neck. He's gonna be fine.
No, the high point was when you stood on a chair and shouted you were the god of tits and wine.
sexting while watching Peter Pan the Musical! something just doesn't seem right here
How old am I that I had to sneak a boy out of my room this morning...
She told me I was absolutely not allowed to sleep with him even though she knows I'm a rule breaker who loves a good challenge.
He was so drunk last night. He woke up out of a dead sleep at 330am, walked over to the dresser, opened his middle drawer and proceeded to pee. When I woke up and asked him Wtf he was doing, he told me it was fake pee and blamed it on the cat...we don't have a cat
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