i am sick of getting naked and seeing how fat i am.
Dude, I would hit that so hard that whoever could pull me out would become the king of England
i pretty much saved your life. you were so conviced that your nail polish remover bottle was "Vodka Lemon"
You must have had one hell of a time explaining to that girl why aladin soundtrack was playing on repeat in your room when you got back
got hammered last night, woke up this morning to 38 texts that varied from "you fucking asshole" to "i can be there in 10 minutes"
Change of plans. Theres a bouncy castle setup in my apartment complex.
I had to have my mom pick me up from the party and the windows lock was on so when I went to projectile vomit out the window it wouldn't roll down and it splashed back at my face.
I found a picture of me as a little kid with nothing on except a towel covering one of my nipples and I'm glaring at the camera. Literally nothing has changed except I have boobs now
Trying to decide who to DD on the fourth and I came up with a Who's who of guys I've hooked up with in the last month. Not an ideal situation, but I have a feeling it's gonna happen anyway.
Just realized I'm still chewing the same gum post blow job. This Stride shit really has everlasting flavor. They should totally have an ad campaign based on blow jobs.
YOu just turned down my vagina. Something must be wrong. Vegas changed you!
Dude... the time we have in life to be young and trivial is so incredibly short. I think we should drink tonight.
How many gummy vitamins can I eat before I die
I am way to hungover for it to be Thursday.
I miss painting strippers for Christmas. Holidays not the same without glitter and body paint
I'll be your substitute stripper tonight.
Randomize
