Also, the republican called me again last night. He called me dumb and ugly then begged to come over. Gosh... he knows how to make me want him...
my quiz for the book was only 2 questions and my one answer was sorry and then a sad face
New plan, instead of sleeping with her, I'm just going to use her to sleep with the entire sorority.
The doctor wrote 'condom retrieval' on my discharge paper.
So puking trix and chicken wings is horrible but atleast we got free drinks for taking the trash out at the bar we are really movin up in the world
I just want him to come back from NOLA alive, without an arrest record or stripper glitter on his clothes...
Those seems like unreasonable expectations for a bachelor party honestly...
I've already dropped her on the ground of a crowded bar dancing , been incoherent drunk to the point i couldn't speak and came within 2 seconds all on separate evenings so at this point she should know what I'm about
I sliced my fucking arm open last night after margarita madness and had to drive myself to the ER. Got six stitches and a social worker came in and asked if I was abused due to my sex bruises. I literally had to tell her "don't worry, I like it rough"
Hungover in church. I can feel stained glass Jesus judging me.
Still stoned. I like your bong. It can stay. No others, though.
Have you ever tried to have sex with a fairy? My penis is literally bigger than her.
Why would you keep yourself in a sharting situation
I feel like my foot is being amputated. Or maybe it's the vodka. I couldn't tell you.
Have you ever wondered if we are just made up characters in someone's head? You'll have to forgive me right now I think I have 7 thumbs
You threw up everything but your ovaries.
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