The drink u got me is pineapple something w. Cigarete ashes in it.ima drink it anyway
This girl told me I had the balls of an infant..I replied by saying her vagina looks like Stargate.
He puts stickers to promote his new shirt company in every sack he sells. He's like the donald trump of weed
i sound like a 75 year old homeless man that has spent all his panhandling money on cigarettes since he was 12. that rough.
we convincced her parents we were only wasted meanwhile theire faces were morphing into one and i swear there was a reindeer in the background
Oh if I trust ANYTHING about you it's your ability to lead a douchebag around by the dick
This isn't fair. Why can't sober me be good at bejeweled?
Did you seduce any young men into coming home to your love nest of poutine and jäger bombs?
Still not sure if my open-bar-week-long-trip to Cuba is the best idea as a congratulations-for-my-sober-february-challenge. My liver might just explode and give up.
I'm done being drunk I wish I could snap my fingers and be sober
You attempted what you called the "Long Island Heist", in which you shoved a half glass of Long Island down your pants and asked me to help you sneak it out. That drunk.
strip teases shouldnt end with an expensive car covered in salsa and mayonnaise yet here we are
I CALLED IT A FRIENDSHIP. NOT A I WANT YOUR MAN PARTS IN MY LADY PARTS-SHIP.
He caught me mid-escape...one leg out the window, bra n thong in hand.I just looked at him and said "Bye Now" n proceeded to fall out his window....then.... tell me why he texted me 30 min later to make sure i got home ok! #igotthis
So, is Canada considered an excessive distance to go for a booty call? Asking for a friend...
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