I was 10 minutes late leaving for lunch today because I couldn't lose a boner. It is impossible to tuck it when your shirt is tucked in...gotta quit facebook stalking hot chicks at work
I am SOOO high
tell me about your high
HUGE THUMBTACKS
fuck. did you have to draw it on me with a permanent marker
she asked if she could keep her bee antennas on during her mugshot. i love halloween.
I can't wait to see her breast feed this thing
i cant talk right now. we are trying to finish our homework so we can play with play-doh
Brought 2 entire pizzas with to the bar, everyone loves us
We thought she was passed out on the toilet, but she raised her head to tell me the word I couldn't remember was "empathize." Then she puked blood and passed out.
The cops showed up and one of them got pushed in the pool. When he got out he looked really sad so I got him a towel and hugged him. He arrested all the underage drunkards but me.
Breaking into his house to steal the sheets I'd drunk pissed on before he got home was not how I wanted to be spending spring break
LESSON OF THE DAY: Saying Everclear gets you out of explaining anything.
I'm sitting here with a heating pad and a fan on me eating snow caps off of my boobs
he pulled my tampon string out with his teeth like a grenade pin yelling frag out! That's why I fuck guys back from deployment. They'll go the distance
i woke up face planted on your ottoman..thanks for letting me sleepover
I forget how to act sober
Randomize
