And God said, "Let there be Twilight," and it was so.
I should injure you considerably.
im so glad i don't have to work tomorrow. I'm spendin all night on the new call of duty.
Wow. That's the gayest thing you ever said.
Look man i'm staying in playing videogames and growing a beard. Its not like i'm trying to get a girlfriend.
It's a shame that I don't know his last name. Actually, it's an ever bigger shame that I don't know his first name
the fact that i fell through a skylight is the least humiliating part of the night
we found you in the closet, clutching coats that werent yours for stability
got into a fight with a bouncer over who's moustache is better again last night...
you can now officially say a girl has shaved your initials into her pubes. welcome to the club.
i actually pissed myself from laughing when I saw the old man in lingerie carrying a spiderman purse. I dont know if he was real or if it was the tequila, but my head hurts.
Unless you have figured out how to blow me through the phone don't drunk dial me.
It was so cute that he apologized for getting cum on my couch. If he realized how many guys had cum on that couch in the past year, he wouldn't have touched my vagina with a 10-ft pole.
MY LIFE IS HARD OK. I HAVE TO WAKE UP AT LIKE 10 OR 11 AFTER SMOKIG POT AND PLAYING FALLOUT UNTIL 3
I've been sober for almost two weeks and it's been the worst two weeks ever. Even my mom told me I need to start drinking again.
i'm sitting in my room 'bout to smoke a bowl. also, i found out that you don't need a permit to own a tiger in wisconsin, so we're buying one when we move in together.
So I have now fucked both my roommates...This is why I can’t live with men.
Dude i just passed out while getting head...she cried
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