I saw her while sober, and she is definately cut off from the penis ride
Please tell me how I woke up out in the middle of nowhere wearing nothing but a hard hat and a man thong?
i had a dream that i had so much marijuana that i didn't know what to do with it. i woke up and cried.
it was like brushing your tongue but with a fucking long toothbrush.
Two man bar crawl was hectic. Just found leaves in my pocket.
I just remember thinking that if i ran really fast through the house, no one would notice i was naked.
I just got this text "hi this is Julie, I met you last night in the bathroom. You asked me to text you and remind you that you ate an entire lime, because you figured your sober self in the morning would be confused."
so I'm coping with getting the "I'm not over my ex" bomb dropped on me by getting drunk and yelling at people while wearing a purple princess hat
I'm pretty sure whiskey overrules bulimia in the eyes of Texas boys
Ima go for a jog. and I'm going to jog until I throw up a lung. then I'll crawl home.
bark. im thoroughly looking forward to kegs and eggs. next weekend should be pancakes and pinnical, then cereal and seagrams and then whiskey and waffles.
I've figured out why I love winter sex. Because I make them leave the beanie on, and we all know I love a man in a beanie.
You know it was a good night when you wake up w/o a shirt in someone elses living room next to a pancake on a spoon in a bowl of spaghetti.
Was reaching for my vibrator this morning out of my nightstand and strained my neck muscle. I'm getting so old.
Dude I left his house at 5:30 a.m. after you peed on his front door and then tried to fight me for my blanket. Don't even do that at my house or I will end you.
hahahahaha. Worst. Text. Ever.
Randomize
