I can totally hide my daquiri in my sling.
he pulled a hernia and i had to get the morning after pill. you tell me how our valentines day went.
I just saw a girl walk by me wearing a "kiss me I'm pro choice" shirt. Is that a signal for easy access?
does anyone know how to get red sharpie out of a white cat?
I picked her up for our first date on a fucking horse. Of course I got a BJ.
Don't be offended. I can't even stand sleeping next to my dildo after I'm done, let alone a whole person.
Your 'drink of the future' makes sense now- you feel it for atleast 10 hours into the future
$200 on plane. $110 on train. $5 per drink on plane. $15 per case on train. Plane 1 hour flight. Train 9 hour excursion. Hmmmmm.
I just saw a douchebag with frosted tips & a LaCoste polo with popped collar driving a Call of Duty edition Jeep. It was a cavalcade of stereotypes.
I'm going to be drunk and braless all weekend. Let the festivities begin!
Treating myself to outback while reading the entire manual that comes with my birth control in public. Is this what single has come to?
Well just give me the address, I'll bring the bourbon. If they let that into mental institutions
Who brings nunchucks to a funeral?
He offered me free drinks all night if I could beat him in a drinking race. I blacked out after that but just found his credit card in my bra so there's that.
But on the bright side the arresting officer was just as hot as I remember and I took a pretty okay mugshot.
Randomize
