Ive had to apologize to every girl i know today because of you
the last time i saw him was an hour he was floating face down in a pool... but i'm sure he's fine.
Went to the strip club with my aunt. Do you know how hard it is to be a pervert in front of your female family members?
Just fucking put out. It'll be a good lay, promise. Stop being a prude. Damn it. A boy is trying to put his penis in you. APPRECIATE IT.
I need a therapist, but moreover we are going to be really drunk.
Also I'm very proud of th fact that I walked my dog before bed. Drunk dog walking should be an Olympic sport; it takes SKILLS.
I'm imaging you naked, covered in butter. And I gotta say, I'm not impressed.
Yeah man it sucked balls. People on the bus probably thought I was fucking crazy. I was fetal position, taking up two seats with no shame whilst simultaneously panting.
The highlight of the night was when he yelled "WAS THIS CONDOM MADE FOR TODDLERS??"
Guess who's the proud owner of her very own foxtail butt plug!!
I feel like I should acknowledge that I see you as a human and not a ragdoll sex object
I know. His dick was small at the top and got bigger at the bottom, like a fucking curling wand.
You made me brush your teeth last night......for 47 minutes.
I'm sitting here drinking whisky and listening to The Wiggles, I don't need a social life
just woke up and had to check if i still had pants on, i really need to stop drinking
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