you would have Pina Colada flavored saliva.
WHY WOULD YOU LET ME MAKE THAT MUCH NOISE DURING SEX IN RESIDENCE ?!
I tried to push your face into the pillow but then you kicked like a donkey.
I love tequila.
I'm sitting by the window waiting for the sun to go down so that I can start drinking.
He then proceeded to tell me about his enlarged lymph nodes, his"severe" case of blue balls.
Theres a picture of you standing next to a John Wayne cardboard cutout that says dont drink and drive. your buddy is shirtless holding a beer and youre holding your keys up with marker on your face.
The waitress bought us a round. She said if anyone could do 52 margarita mondays in a row, it was us.
I found your bra. How you get it off the satellite dish is your problem.
So that'd what fifty dollars of chicken at 7/11 looks like. Made it to work on time. Puked twice. BOOM.
If it involves mee putting on a bra and discontinuing my 11 am drinking my answer is a polite fuck YOU
can i text him and be like "oh yeah, forgot i kinda made out with a girl this weekend. For future reference, does this count as cheating?" ?
He's scared I want a relationship? How does texting him at three am and sleeping with four of my exes symbolize that?
yeah...well...life isn't all puppies & lap dances
I walked into my room last night at 4 am and there's a random dude in his boxers eating oatmeal on my futon. I looked at him and went to bed
Some guy is in my phone as Pat McAwesome.
Today is a good day to get high. It's easy to blame the glazed-over look in my eye on my new contacts
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