I just made a milkshake without a blender... thats determination
dont seek real advice from me tonight cause its always gonna end with we should have sex
bro i finally banged her last night on our basement couch
I'm at this frat party right now and yelled "my little 16 year old brother finally lost his virginity." They gave you a standing ovation
he just asked if we wanted to go to an arts and crats club with him tomorrow. every day it becomes harder for me to defend his sexuality
Found her. Shes unconscious up against the room door. Her credit card is in the keycard slot
Amazing. Super drunk. We stole a street sign in a golf cart and went around jousting trash cans all night.
because drunk making out is frowned upon in museums i think
Why didn't I see you last night!?
We made out like 4 times....I think I saw you.
I just spend twenty minutes scrubing the "Happy Birthday" off of my vagina. He's never gonna forget this.
Hey, who is this? Sorry, you're in my phone as "you better remember".
We fucked in my trunk while on the clock....what did you do at work today?
Dude, did you know, your blood is contaminated with over 17 non-beer fluids?
I went to the obgyn with chipped nail polish.. Somewhere Beyonce was looking down, shaking her head, whispering "Not fierce."
Well he waved at me as he was leaving so he def noticed the staring, and by staring i mean blatant eye fucking from across the bar..
I ordered from the drive thru as i was peeing on the menu
Randomize
