Do u think she knows her nickname is the oompa loompa
now everythime i write "i'm" in my phone my tap9 spells out "i'm-never-drinking-again". It's trying to remind me
turns out I still hate jay leno...even at 10pm.
the beat of "birthday sex" is shockingly similar to my dry heaving rhythm. it's making me nauseous all over again.
I'm eating tomato paste and drinking banana juice that is expired. Can we please get groceries tonight?
threw up on my 7.30 AM placement test. Never again
Throwing up out both ends. This is not how I pictured adulthood.
I'm sitting with my parents watching football and moaned when I saw his shirtless picture. They looked at me weird so I had to turn the moan into a laugh. A sad, really horny laugh.
So maybe putting the blacklight above the futon wasn't the best idea...
My internship group is made up of all freshman. Their enthusiasm for education and social interaction sickens me.
dont eat that thats our sex nutella.
No it's ok I've been talking to the girl at the Chinese restaurant about your dick for the last 20 minutes. I haven't mentioned your name but she thinks she knows you.
it's just weird to think of you as a teacher since ive seen you throw up raspberry bacardi in my parents house
That's a good 5 hours of "I have no fucking idea what I did".
if he ever tells me he loves me when we are sober, i am a goner. just fyi.
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