The elaphant ear plant popped a new leaf ! Wahoo !
Ummmm I went to see who was upstairs, he was the only one in his room so we had sex while the travel channel played in the background.
Oh good. Romantic. Still, I'm jealous of the sex.
Probably not, since he made me promise not to tell anyone it only lasted ten seconds.
I would dunk an oreo in her breast milk
It must be a full moon weekend. All of my weird booty calls are coming out of the woodwork. I spent 40 minutes on the phone last night telling one why he is so creepy.
I think this dress is screaming I want a birthday 3some with two moderately attractive guys. I hope.
I took chris brown's side in the conversation ... cut to me not getting laid tonight
I don't think I have ever been told that I am "probably too drunk to pet the stingrays" by a cop before.
He's trying to row the canoe up my front yard like he is Lewis and Clark.
Did you really just use your nipple as a unit of measurement?
Im the proud new owner of the campus speed bump sign
The silhouette of his dick looked like an eagle. Amurrican.
And if I could both stabilize myself *and* pick things up with my penis... Well, I wouldn't be on the fire dept...
I found out my butt plug has a metal core at the airport security checkpoint...
So I couldn't find Leif..... He fell asleep in our closet upstairs trying to get changed into warmer clothes
im in DESPERATE NEED OF A COMPANION RIGHT NOW I’M MOTHER FUCKING TRIPPING SOLID GOLD BALLS
Randomize
