Just ran into that chick u called from my phone and left her a MSG bout how she has aids
Ahaha, good shit
Ya know, I lied. I wouldn't mess with him. Not because of the crazy/rehab issues... but because he wears tank-tops.
You were yelling at the cops across the street saying they were at the wrong party
I'm either watching Fifth Element or Hotel Rwanda. There's black people and white people and high life tall boy 18 packs are $11.99 so I could be watching my own hand. I have no idea.
when i'm drunk i think im just gonna point at him and yell adultery is a sinnnn. youre going to helllll
There is a limo involved. Man up, and make yourself puke. Its only one more night of blacking out.
My lab manual has instructions for making home wine. Room project?
I walked down to the adult beverage store and got two bottles of jim beam and s shooter of crwon black label because we didn't have any Tylenol
Fuck that must be a crazy sunburn.
Safe to say I relapsed into my old chatroulette drunk flashing days.
It felt as i were a pad of butter melting onto a piece of toast.
On my way, five mins. Is the line long? Do you think they will they hold a pumpkin at coat check?
He called us the '3 Amigos' and told us if hos ex wife came we had to jump the porch railing and hide in the bushes.
At least your vagina gets to vagina again. Dust that thing off.
I'm gonna invite every single tinder date I've had to my birthday. Let them fight, battle Royale style. The winner gets to fuck me. \n\nBest. Birthday. Ever
your mission the party friday: cockblock me at ALL costs. I've cheated on my boyfriend twice. I feel like three times would be crossing some sort of line...
and no, I don't care how how hot he is
Randomize
