I am a bulletproof tiger!
Haha. Nice, be careful tonight.
I'm gonna have to get my windshield replaced. Is the keg beat?
You told me you were pretty sure you were god because you knew everything about everyone.
You fed me milk from the beer bong because you thought it would "Sober you up" .
he asked if i wanted their team name to be " Amandas angels" or " Fuk budies" either way an intermural softball team of all my hook ups from spring semester is just depressing. convenient but depressing
She just pulled out a chicken strip and a hundred dollar bill from her purse. This is a legit twentyfirst bday weekend.
I'll be there. With Doritos and whisky. Don't expect much more.
five cans of playdoh and a game of guess whose penis ...
The international association of gay square dance clubs had a booth set up in the lobby of my hotel.
so let me get this straight... she's showing a cameltoe that can be seen from the space station and I'm NOT supposed to stare?
Rage-masturbating and then crying myself to sleep. Welcome to Wednesday.
Why is it I can't go buy redbull and tylenol pm from a store without getting questions about my health choices?
Oh fuck, I'm officially a cougar..he's got the same name as my grandson
Woke up next to a slice if pizza. From what i can tell I tried to plug it into my phone charger. No more blackout wednesdays for this girl.
I really wish you were home bc youre the only friend I could ask to use an at home waxing kit on my vagina. I need you.
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
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