Woke up this morning with one boob drawn on to look like the globe. Questionable?
I'm going to let the use of the word "hella" slide considering I have sperm older than you.
i really wish my pants would only unzip when im sober
so i hit rock bottom, god threw me a shovel. i continued to dig.
Because its an amazing idea and you're the only one I can think of that will allow a pirate threesome
I found him in the livingroom trying to soak up broken glass with the clock from the kitchen.
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
i convinced her i need a blow job every morning to wake up because i have a medical condition.
I'm going to keep a tally of how many lives I ruin this summer. Starting today.
Already at 3 and it's not even noon.
ARE YOU THINKING VAGINA THEMED RESTAURANT
whats our policy on dating high schoolers?
we dont have a policy but im pretty sure the state of michigan does
I don't need to know how horny your mother is, hun.
New war strategy! The ex-girlfriend of my ex-girlfriend is now my twice a week booty call!
I need a pedicure
You need to go to planned parenthood
I woke up on the damn lawn again...it's not even summer yet
Randomize
