You're going to have to start masturbating with your left hand. Or with someone's vagina
If a fat man falls in the shower and nobody is in the apartment, does his pride still hurt? Answer: yes
It's finally official that I am from Oklahoma. I'm currently sleeping with my ex-fling's brother.
she said your name and I thought she was asking me to motorboat her. Best. Miscommunication.Ever.
HE COULDN'T FIND IT! WHAT KIND OF QUARTERBACK CAN'T FIND IT?!
Mass texted booty calls to all the guys I've hooked up with this year to commemorate the end of the semester.
I'm so confused. I feel like I just intentionally took roofies to see where I'd end up.
Awkward moment: seeing and saying hey to the MILF you're sleeping with while shopping with your mother and sister.
I LOVE YOU NO MATTER HOW MANY BALLS YOUVE SUCKED
Oh my god there's only so much masturbating one can do before one wants to fucking cry
Any recommendations for how to tell your wife about the pics of her 19 yr old sister on a porn site without admitting you were surfing said porn site?
Gotta wait until my full time offer is confirmed before I try to fuck the mid level manager
You know she's gonna fuck shit up when she shows up in a neon wind-suit
I'm in my onesie attempting to spoon-feed myself cold soup. I'm playing freeze tag with my hangover. My hangover's winning.
It was like mission impossible.
but with sex.
Randomize