neither the pictures you took nor my hangover explain why there are skittles in my shoe
an unopened bag of salt and vinegar chips... probably the best thing I've ever found in my room while high.
And when I say "complete whore" I mean I could possibly make a shameful profit by wearing this.
he acted like he had never seen anyone snort lines of adderall off of a microwave before. freshman.
Really? Uh ohh sounds like a double date with extra stripper funnnn
KEG. KEG. THE OPERA HAS A KEG. KEG STAND IN A TUX. AFTER PARTY RAVE AND KEG STANDS.
Is there a special protocol when the stripper has a Boba Fett tattoo?
For breaking and entering. I think neighbor dan cared more about me puking in his backseat than the surprise of me waking up there
I just realized that every possible way I walk to campus I walk by the house of someone I slept with
Well, he asked what my sign was, then proceeded to critique me on my beer pong stance... I really need to raise my standards.
His boxer smelled like clean laundry while I was giving him head. It was delightful, like sucking a dick in a spring meadow.
I do have a history of lying to Customs. I once convinced them I was an astronaut.
What are you gunna do with your life today
put it back together
Quit bitching. I brought you a muffin.
I feel like you're encouraging me to commit a felony.
I feel like you're wasting time.
Randomize