its sad that the first thing i assume is that ur trying to indirectly tell me you fucked on a breakfast table
by asking you if you bought one for the apartment?
i wish sherlock holmes were still around today... he'd be able to find my g-spot.
i just walked by a road side game of beer pong? it's gonna be a long day
I got laid because I told her I play guitar. I haven't played in 7 years and only know a G chord. I love this place.
everybody makes mistakes
i didn't know they allowed you to text in ambulances
ENDLESS SCROLLING ON TUMBLR WAS MADE FOR HIGH PEOPLE!
no. it doesnt count as road head if youre parked
just tried to puke while my RA was trying to puke in the stall next to me.bonded for life
Plan B, arranged marriage to a rich Indian, is rapidly becoming Plan A. Fuck Finals.
Dude walks in wearing jean shorts and a graphic tshirt and goes home with an attractive female. EXPLAIN YOURSELF UNIVERSE.
We watched game of thrones, broke up and I drove away blasting ridin solo while he dougied
I blew him while the canoe was sinking...I think of it as the better version of the titanic
Oh my god I'm in a public bathroom with a space heater. I never want to leave
My parents are coming to visit the 28th. How bad is it that I put a reminder in my phone to "hide sex toys"?
I’ll call you in a minute. Trying to book an AirBnB so I can finally bang the yummy guy from yoga
Your downward dog is going to rock his cock. I’m jealous
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