Dear everyone. As mark stated i did the 'piss n run' last night. This is all new to me and it scares me. Again, sorry. "if i could turn back time" -cher
I was just at the bank and there was a fat lady wearing a cape. today is gonna be awesome.
I was hidding Easter eggs in CHURCH this morning when one of the older men came up to me and said "I always knew you'd be a bunny just not the Easter kind" ... Our congregation obviously has high hopes for their pastor's daighter
Anytime you have a hot, flirty, married woman that wants to ride you like a horse and slap your ass, you've got to do it.
Yeah, but four times?
Drunk wheelbarrow races might make the top 10 list of dumb shit weve done. Especially considering all the broken glass around...
When you wake up in your dorm right outside your room with the key in the door, then you will understand my pain.
she was literally 3 feet away from the garbage can, said she couldn't make it, and then proceeded to vomit on the floor in front of everyone in the restaurant
Everyone here knows my boyfriend as "Half Baked". Life, he's doing it right.
I'm missing a sock, a boot, and antlers. We need to get on that.
And all I ask is the occasional "welcome home from work" blowjob.....and for you to fold my laundry. I hate folding laundry
you can only text me tonight if its in drake lyrics. thats the rule
$1 drinks and Playboy theme. I am never leaving this place
It was bitter sweet because I woke him up with sex but then I peed in his bed with him in it
after the ketamine those signs on the bathroom door had little meaning to us
She asked what a chaser is. I died a little inside, please come back..
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