her cat watched me eat her out... I would use the alternate term for both of those things but it's too weird.
I've officially decided that whoever created hate sex should be on my christmas card list.
Well who could blame her. I would run away from me if I could.
Sorry if this is weird, but please don't have sex in my truck. I get to be the first...
usual friday morning routine. the pants i wore last night are in my passenger seat and im rooting through the pockets trying to make exact change at the dunkin donuts drive thru
Within the hour, he sent me 8 texts and 4 voice memos. One of the memos was just him whistling for 3 minutes. ...It's official, I attract the crazies.
No fucking judgements. You know me. Chinese food vent sessions are safe places.
We're going to work out tomorrow I guess but it usually consists of doing weights for 10 minutes, then saying fuck cardio and going to Taco Tuesday
I'm bringing my passport in case we get drunk and wind up in Mexico
Masturbating to death wouldn't be a terrible way to go. If you die tonight, I'll know how it went down. Promise not to tell your family.
He tripped and fell all the way to the ground and then stood right back with out spilling a drop of his 3/4 full glass of rum and coke. It was like watching something from the matrix
Note to self, the correct response when a guy tells you he likes you as a person is not "ew"
Decided to stay in tonight. Completely sober. Just got two drunken booty calls within 5 minutes of each other. This is my life.
The text I got from my boyfriend this morning: "babe, I'm not mad because I know you were drunk, but you kissed 3 guys last night and I wasn't one of them".
I don’t understand his energy
What? Nice? Lmao
Randomize
