I just won Halloween Walk of Shame Bingo!
the snow is so cold on my vagina.
why do you have snow on your vagina?
vodka and heels.
worse. her friends hid in the bathroom while she gave me head and then screamed surprise right as i was about to cum
I'm watching this guy on intervention hospitalized for liver damage. He's drinking the hand sanitizer in the hospital room. Say hello to your future.
we were having sex and the sweat made her make up run... seriously laid there and watched her face just melt into ugly.
She makes walking on a treadmill look like a porno. I wish I could send over shots as an ice breaker.
That's effing brilliant. We should start a business.
Cat. Why do you sit on things I need to use.
Because it is cat.
Lets just say that a certain piercing set off certain alarms when I went thru the airport detector/scanner thingie. David was high fived like 12 times.
Who am I sleeping next to in your bed? Where are you? Also when are you coming home... I need coffee.
He says he invented a new sex move called The Redbird that we can only do when I'm on my period. Should I be concerned?
the 5 D's of Dodgeball literally just saved my life
"I'm not drinking any more tonight." As I dipped my quesadilla in a shot of tequila....then eats it
he just ran into my room in his giant penis costume yelling "supercock to the rescue"... I am still in total shock
I just destroyed that poor boy. Picked him up and put him wherever I wanted, it was like the Pride version of Elf on a Shelf.
No, Ethan, handcuffs and friendship bracelets are not "basically" the same thing.
Randomize
