Let's hustle tonight so we can relax tomorrow
Perfect. Like where your heads at
By relax I mean have sex
So we walked by this chick's house and she starts yelling at her boyfriend "STOP HITTING ME WITH YOUR DICK"
everyone has their kryptonite. mine just happens to be 18 year old blonde girls.
her sex was completely horrible but her weed was great. imma ask her out again
Bruises. Everywhere. Table sex is dangerous
Exactly. So he deserves crazy "thanks for keeping me out of jail" sex. Or an "I'm glad your excessive cocaine habit had some positive outcomes" blowjob.
It's ok that you're screwing someone else while trying to get back with me, I'm banging three girls while I ignore you.
Admit it. It's a brilliant plan with hundreds of possible repercutions.
Understatement of the year.
He would drink pee if it was in a beer can
I feel as though my head has drastically changed shape
I have a knack for carnage and poetic language.
We do have a rich storied history of emotional warfare
Tacos and sex are way better than any anti depressant pill ever was. I think I made a medical discovery here.
I went to an adult Halloween party last night dressed as Mrs. Doubtfire, but I woke up on a stranger's couch surrounded by sleeping children in karate gi's. And I accidentally flushed my granny wig mid-puke, so if they wake up I'm gonna have to convince them that I'm just a weird older man and not a terrible cross dresser.
How did you come to this point in your life?
Good bartenders.
ETA 20 minutes and if you greet me at the door with a gin & tonic I’ll give you head.
Randomize
