I stuck it in and pulled it out
Did she like it?
She giggled?
She liked it
I just sneezed alcohol in a candle and started a fire.
What do you think it is?
It's a boy. I know it. She always manages to have a cock inside her somehow.
No fireworks. Throwing the old microwave off the deck.
You were on the drunk bus swinging around on the pole when you decided you were hungry, so you pulled half a bagel out of your pants and ate it. Everyone stared at you, dumbfounded as to where it came from, and cheered
So was I the only one that was competing in the whale hunt?
In case you're keeping score at home, this is Brad's SECOND Doritos-related trip to the ER.
Remember that time you puked in a beer pong cup while someone else was playing?
that happened
How did work go after you told them you were in jail?
Great they tried to bail me out.
Just got a 200 dollar safe, two jars, and a 500 pack of rubber bands.. This doesn't SCREAM drug dealer does it?
...you should fill the cart some more
but how can he casually chat with my father 8 hours after asking me if i'm a screamer
I hooked up with a guy dressed up as morning wood. Needless to say he lived up to his costume.
I've also stopped shaving, like, everything. I can't tell if I'm empowered or sad
So I took a screenshot of my boarding pass and the TSA agent somehow swiped it to the next photo. Yep...TSA saw my dick before I even went through the body scanner.
How do I tell my boss I have slutty fantasies about him, me and his conference room table?
Randomize
