I'm pretty sure the guy she brought home is a polish porn star..
Well I knew we were drunk when I told you it was a good idea to shit in the ocean
You flooded my bathroom while trying to construct a hot tub. All three of you were completely naked.
It was all going great until he pulled the hamburger meat out of his pocket
i've been lying on top of my bed for the past 20 minutes
i'm about to blow half an adderall though and try to rally
So last night I learned something new. Whenever I drink beer out of a bottle a random guy buys me another one. It was like as soon as the glass hit my lips every guy in a 20ft radius got a hard on.
he got mad becuase i made more noise when he gave me a back massage then i do when we actually have sex
Great way to live...just blowing loads on upholstery
I'm sitting with my parents watching football and moaned when I saw his shirtless picture. They looked at me weird so I had to turn the moan into a laugh. A sad, really horny laugh.
I just threw up again because I opened my eyes... God is laughing. I resorted to taking the Mexican Dramamine because I feel seasick from walking. Not helping.
How is there no taco emoji?! That's some bullshit.
I'm not sure... But I think I just found a porno I starred in during my black out week of '08.
who is the naked dude on the coffee table
thats jeff, jeff is nice so don't be rude
woke up and you werent here...its ok if we're never going to speak again but my furry hand cuffs are missing and i would like them back. thanks.
He calculated like a serious conversion in his head the other day and got a crazy number and I was like damn that’s hot please proceed to take your clothes off.
Randomize
