bella threw up all over the kitchen floor then looked at me, laughed, and walked away
isn't bella the cat???
that she is
Dude i dont know how people can complain that waterboarding is such a bad thing. I just sat through a fucking puddle of mudd show. Now thats torture
He gave me the "I've pictured you while jerkin off" look
Its as if he has to do the exact opposite of what I tell him. Don't come in my eye, pfshh it's in my eye. Don't come on the cat, pfshh it's on the cat.
I'm wearing the jeans from casino night. Tell me why I have a napkin in my pocket that says 'dont fear me'? I'm hoping it was just a coincidence.
Just come here and visit. Enjoy the deliciousness of me being legal. Just don't think, and come here right meow. meow meow meow.
I really appreciate you zipping up my pants at the bar. You didn't even ruin my Bermuda triangle.
Europe's "the final countdown" was playing. It was pretty much amnesty for anything that might happen the rest of the night. It's a rule.
I should come with a disclaimer that reads "bad at relationships and defensive when confronted about it"
or maybe "WARNING: picks fights when bored"
Because everytime she talks to you she goes in her room and plays Come Sail Away on repeat. Can't take this shit anymore Jake
Meeting up with one of your students at your drug dealers house is always an awkward moment
Remember when we made out in a Chik-Fil-A drive thru?
Why did the sexual harassment class show a clip from frozen?
after last night, ive never not wanted to live so much in my life.
She woke up, peed in the sink and then passed out again, it's only 2 in the afternoon
Randomize
