$4 taco and $400 parking ticket. i am not a cheap date.
it doesn't get any better than taco bell and soft core porn
my drunk step mom just informed me my dad likes reverse cowgirl. Please god kill me.
Life lesson: if you fart while talking to a girl outside, the smell does not dissipate, it just lingers around mocking you
making your facebook status TEQUILA is like basically saying "im easy tonight. feel free to take advantage"
Im positive, your name was on my abdomen, Im pretty sure thats solid evidence
No, you always delete them without reading. Enjoy the virtue of morning innocence. What are you doing today.
Well despite the fact that I'm still not entirely sure this isn't an elaborate/cunning plan to kill me, I'm in.
Are you high?
The snorkel mask makes that pretty clear
He's doing his thing where I don't know if he's alive until three in the afternoon so idk
The cat be actin like a 2:30 am poop is the time to tell me all about her thoughts and fears in life. No bitch, this is definitely alone time.
He uses Bing as his search engine...but he's great in bed. So obviously I'm torn.
Mom has wine in a to go cup. It's that kind of night.
the woman that waxes my lady parts just hugged me...
were you wearing pants?
no.
Hey long story short Grandma needs bail money.
Randomize
