If I were trying to take advantage of you I would have maxed out all your credit cards by now.
He said he's gonna start calling me "Benny" because we're "friends with bennyfits"
i feel like the 7 eleven by your house knows our deepest, darkest secrets
If we worried less about pouring champagne down stripper crack, we probably wouldn't skip so many meals.
dude a monday night stripper made you motorboat her. you should get that checked out
The bag I'm bringing home for the weekend: a change of clothes, workout shoes, and sex toys, that's it.
Think of all the island guys I could have. Ah well.
You can not bait me into a "how Stella got her groove back" call and response.
Final Summary: could he eat a lit sparkler? Probably. Could he do it while peeing off the roof? I'll tell you when you get to the ER.
OMFG "ASS" JUST STARTED PLAYING ON MY PHONE VIA PANDORA AS IM IN THE CAR WITH A CONGRESSMAN FUCKKKK
I forgot her safe word. It was a rough night.
Btw I did not technically have a dick in me but I was naked in bed with a man during the last finals game so that is why the Warriors won
Fuck me first. Then we can craft and watch Terminator 2.
I'm pretty sure the cop knew you were drunk when you tried to light your cigg with a chapstick.
the sex got boring after the first three hours
holy shit
I remember reading the word "lift" so I did. The alarn went off, and I thought to myself "what dumbass pulls the fucking fire alarm?" and then I realized it was me...
Randomize
