Just found a picture of a hobo making out with her tits...a HOBO
please stop judging me for buying a handle of soco on a thursday at 10am. it was on sale, i'm thinking of my future.
my boss told me he would look for my wallet when he went back to the strip club tonight.
Sorry for my penis texting you last night, I can't control what he wants at 4am.
I'm cuddling with a baby pig and drinking champagne right now.
Just did an entire nights worth of bar crawl in an hour. Boom
Come get me we have a petting zoo to throw up in.
It was all going fine until I had to chug that strawberita bud light. That really ended badly.
The fact that he offered to stop once he stuck it in my ass was sadly the most considerate thing anybody's ever done for me.
if you guys find pieces of my teeth don't throw them out please
I work 80 hours a week to prevent myself from just laying in bed and masturbating all day. It's a hands off strategy.
I love standing in line at rite aid for 10 minutes being forced to talk to my ex's mom about life while I'm holding nothing but yeast infection cream
Married dude I had an affair with 10yrs ago was at table next to us at dinner last nite. My mom asked him to take a pic of us & then commented how cute he was as they left. Do I tell her he’s got a huge D too?
I knew I no longer wanted to bone him when he put the Grease soundtrack on as "mood music", no guy looks attractive singing and dancing to greased lightning naked.
It was great. We stayed up all night talking about objects he'd put in his theoretical vagina.
Randomize
