I am I'm going to have heart failure he's peed on my life.
Anderson Cooper interviews Obama. It's like CNN is teasing and broadcasting my dream 3 way.
we need to get ahold of those "sexting" teens on tyra. HAWT!
wasnt one 13?
So the "just a friend" kid confessed his love for me...sometimes I hate how awesome I am.
she made me take her to the grocery store to buy a gallon of sweet tea and a shit ton of band aids, the cashier asked if someone was hurt and she replied "not yet.."
This Xanax laced vodka tonic will help me forget that all these spring breakers are all young enough to have been my students.
We all know tonight is going to end like every other night with you. drunk, pantless and confused. Dont try to switch things up.
I have a theory he's part Neanderthal
I rigged together two of my vibrators for more power... I've created a monster.
He just snapchatted me a picture of his cock. The angle makes it look like a freakin skyscraper. Thinking of photoshopping a little monkey on it.
Halloween is the end of the singles holidays they don't start again until st. Patrick's day we better get wifed up or it's going to be a long winter lol
Night one million where I have madri gra beads around my neck and no justifiable reason for where they came from
I woke up to half of the whiskey bottle gone, and apparently I showered in my clothes. Pretty good start to SB2015 I'd say?
Sorry your girlfriend got you a valentines present and you forgot to get her one.
How long will your dick be dry?
Is it wrong for me to wish my cat had arms to get me a beer?
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