Britney fell asleep on the couch in the foier, got up stripped then pissed on the floor. Then got dressed and went to sleep in it. Also downstairs toilet clogged. Not me. I will be gone by the time you get home from work. Have fun.
I just got a ticket for shitting on a sand dune.
we are all sexual creatures
yea maybe. but you're not. you're not getting any.
His mom walked into the kitchen smiling, made a scotch on the rocks, hit my bong, and told us goodnight enthusiastically. He's suddenly more appealing to me.
Fuck. The basement bathroom I've been getting head in for 6 months just went 'Out of Service'.
Wow, im gonna be a great doctor..."hi let me save your life but first check out this pic of me deep throating a handle of grey goose"
The things i do for you...I put all those condoms on a bed, complete with girl, and you sleep in the bathroom
She said our goal is to fuck in every bathroom at the reception which is at a country club. I will have the best wedding date ever! Were 4 for 4 in public.
i told the cop we knew everyone at the party, it was 250 of our closest friends and she's like funny nobody on the balcony knew whose house this was
Thats why they were on the balcony!
I feel like cursing someone's first born child right now. Like I wanna maleficent some bitch.
He Dutch ovened me while I was hiding under the covers from his mom. Needless to say it did not end well.
my whole checking account just had a funeral down bourban street, paid for that, and then bought everyone 5 shots of fireball...
Before getting out of the car, she said "Thanks for getting me off." I like how polite she is.
sexting just seems like too much work right now.
friends who go to the bar together leave the bar together and im not leaving you behind ohana means family
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