I just bought the big bottle of Patron. It looks small. What have I done with my life?
Succeeded.
I wish life was like dora the explorer where dancing pigs appear out of nowhere to solve your problems for you
You were so drunk you tried to sell your salsa to everyone on the restaurant.
Somehow she slept thru the vacuuming, people walking in and out, and the sound of constant beer bottles hitting the trash, but when someone said weed in a regular volume of voice she startled awake.
She. Own s my pussycat. Roxk it like. The sun hitting the horizon
In college, I had one standard. Penis. A lot has changed since then. Now I really only have one standard. Breathing.
Dude she broke four ribs, how does a 110 lb girl break four of my ribs during sex?! It hurts so bad but was so worth it
The highlight of your blackout was when you drunk showered with the garden hose and emailed your boss your vacation requests for the next year.
I'm just gonna wear a long dress with no panties today. My pussy needs a break.
I'm at some strange place in what feels like Mexico, high and getting tacos.
Ok everyone, the frat server is slow because of the 11 TB of porn on there. Either clean out your partition by Sunday or it will be erased. Thanks for your help.
Well I'm sleeping with two of them cause they have nice cars. And the third cause she has a big rack. I'm just really waiting for it all to blow up in my face so I can find a girl I'm actually interested in
I'm only friends with her because I can't stop watching the train wreck.
2017 is my year to realize stuff. Move over Kylie Jenner
I'm definitely not mad. My best friend is dating my drug dealer, it's impossible to be mad.
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