is it bad that I sent her a picture of my penis on her husbands birthday?
i lost my life and panties somewhere between the 15th and 16th round of slap the bag.
she refused to get out of the dog cage till we sang "be our guest" to her.
He showed up to fuck me at the same time the pizza guy did. It was like everything I needed just showed up at my stoop.
You said "It's ok guys, I know I'm not really a turtle" and then tried walking on the lake.
I don't know if it's lucky or if it really just makes my tits look THAT good, but I've never NOT gotten laid with this bra on
Whatever. It was high school. Back then I'd blow anyone who had enough room between their chest and their steering wheel for my head to fit.
He woke up, got my bottle of water and poured it on me and then went back to sleep. Not really how I want to wake up at 2 a.m.
I wish you would stop telling everyone that your cock turned me into a Bears fan.
Well, I'm at the grocery store wondering whether I exist or not.
I think drinking everclear was a better idea than taking a night class.
I just need a text that says "put that food down bitch" and then maybe I'll lose water weight through tears
I just changed all my morning alarms to wake me up with different Jesse McCartney songs telling me I'm beautiful. Would you believe I'll be 25 this year?
I made him cum so hard he couldn't play video games for like an hour. I've never been more proud of myself.
also, my mom just called to make sure the dick tattoo on your arm was fake..
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