hey im gonna send you a picture of my dinner
if its a picture of your dick again we are no longer friends
Lady with a stroller in a bar. Think she's out of my league?
elementary school lunch room party. everyone brings their own lunch and can trade stuff. all juice is booze.
The first song on his sex mix was "highway to the danger zone"
The lid of our salsa is promoting a contest that ended in July '09
i think i can safely say that is the weirdest thing you've ever propositioned me with. so obviously my answer is yes.
I found her in the bathroom licking her screwdriver off the floor. she said there was no way she was wasting a $6 drink.
i can now proudly say that ive peed off of a balcony overlooking the pacific ocean AND a balcony overlooking the atlantic ocean
Moment of the night: you were impatient while I paid for the tequila shots and proceeded to lick and salt MY hand for me. This is why we're roommates.
I reek of latex and grilled onions.
Mission accomplished.
Everyone is speaking Spanish and this 300 hundred pound chick is talking about the time she got out of prison... Fuck this place
I asked if I could borrow some condoms. She referred to herself as "a soup kitchen for whores".
Just so you know, if I get bored tomorrow I WILL pretend to get drunk in the bathroom and crash the whole thing
I said "one day" and that day is not today
Seeing her tonight. She doesn't want dinner, just wants me to come over for awhile. My penis just sent me a thank you card.
Randomize
