Jason just peed on the potty all by himself!!
"omg awesome!, you do realize we aren't together anymore"
**i WaNt TO sLaP mY niECe wHO ThINks iT iS cUte tO WriTE LiKE tHiS**
thats the mark of a good guy. when you can period all over his leg and he still thinks you're beautiful!
dude so we were eating nacho cheese popcorn and chasing it with cole slaw
by the way nacho cheese popcorn is me making popcorn and then adding milk butter and mac n cheese mix
After waking up today, I would like to find the Jesus preachers on campus to ask for help in asking for forgiveness to God.
She came in to my room half naked at 3am asking me if I had seen the movie balls deep 7
Make good choices ;) This is your automated cockblock message
Which is scary since we both think with our vaginas
Just used "I used to work as an inflatable toy operator" as a pick up line. Freshman frenzy is great...
So the doctor told me that I am starting to showing the early signs of liver cirrhosis. Thank you Jack Daniels for making the first 26 years of my life awesome.
it's like my freshman wet dream come true
He wanted me to choke him with my feet. So now I feel obligated to start writing my memoir
That portion can talk about stepping out of your comfort zone and how it can potentially kill people
She had a belly button piercing in the shape of a cross. Talk about mixed messages.
So that prostitue I banged at Steve's bachelor party just texted and invited me to a BBQ at her parents. Never again doubt the power of the cock piercing.
Sooo, did you delete me cause I said I wouldn't babysit you while you did shrooms? You're a grown man.
Randomize