I might come over and watch a movie but I can't spend the night. my parents would wonder where i was
you're 26.
dude beer before liquor = i want to shoot myself in the face
this boner is exhausting
The more I throw up, the more I am remembering exactly what I drank last night...in order.
i can't believe i brushed your teeth last night. so drunk.
Watching her eat just hurts me
Serious question...Is it possible to get a DUI on a kayak?
just walked across campus with a bottle of champagne in between my boobs. night two and the quest for classiness is already over
I'm not really sure if I peed the bed last night or if the cat was trying to get back at me for using her litter box last weekend
You know we have no secrets, right? I mean, you saw me shitting in a gift bag drunk and naked on Christmas eve.
How likely is it that we can see each other tomorrow night? I want to shave my legs in good faith but it's cold outside and my bathroom is drafty.
Preface: Im drunk. But i think id make a good assasin. That is all.
LMAO. Stop. Men are such gentleman these days. I woke up with no one beside me and you got 6 cents
6 cents and no orgasm 💃🏻🎉
We are so blessed
Day drunk. He was sitting in the back seat, opened the door, leaned out, and peed right there in the dutch bros drive through. No one even noticed haha
...okay, you can't just say 'masturbating llama' and not explain yourself
Randomize
