know what turns me on? long, stringy hair on a pasty looking girl with an overstuffed backpack and kneepads over her jeans in case she falls off her scooter
your less of a man for seeing that
I just jerked it so loud the neighbor banged on their floor. maybe my wife got the point
yeah my mom told me she knows when i come home high because i use my turn signal while turning into the driveway...
And whoever invented the condom should be put to death.
He gave me the "I've pictured you while jerkin off" look
I woke up with his wallet, but not him. Gold-digging at it's finest.
Shoot me. Guy hitting on me with a beaver on his head. Says it is his spirit animal.
Also, horsecock action starts in about a month. Have you prepared yourself yet?
The best of us have puked in our office garbage cans. I just hope yours wasn't the metal mesh kind...and bagless like mine. Rock n roll office manager.
Drinking a grey goose and water in a random chair that I found by the road by myself
So there's that.
They've taken all the lighthearted fun out of S&M.
"he sent me a picture of a puppy in return for a picture of my boobs. He then captioned it with "look it's puppies first time at the beach". "
My roommate just google searched "cumming blood" using my laptop. Her boyfriend is in her room, she looks scared. Words cannot explain how hilarious this is.
Is it unhealthy for me to do shots of pinnacle by myself in my apartment right now? Asking for a friend
SOOOOOO I just attempted to go to the gym, hungover. Ended up throwing up in the bathroom. I hope people think I'm just working out really hard
Randomize