forget your mom, you can see her anytime. A one night stand only happens ONE night.
oh my god. my mom just found my pipe. she thought it was a dildo.
like i said, there should be a sitcom about your family.
Nah, I'm just going to keep fucking him until he realizes we're perfect for each other.
Hangover cure: shower, throw up again, sleep for 4 hours, eat salsa, brush teeth. Good to go.
Babe when I told you that you needed to grow up I didn't mean get drunk and sponsor 8 African kids.
of course we have a beer bong
how else would we feed our christmas tree
I'm responsible for my client's overall well-being. Which is terrifying coming from someone that can't stop masturbating and eats leftover pizza just about everyday.
Awkward moment: seeing and saying hey to the MILF you're sleeping with while shopping with your mother and sister.
we were sitting in the kitchen and you kept biting my shoulder saying "itll all be over soon"
I forced myself to puke in my garbage can, and the next day I bought a new one and burnt the old one. You could say it was a rough night
My stripper pole led lights flash with the sound so it's awsome with music
That's too much drama for once a month dick... that's in-house dick drama only
Reminding you of hookups your brain is trying to suppress. That's what friends are fooooooooor...
Wanna see if we can get cut off at bdubs again? The same hipster manager that is younger than us is working again
I'm a grown ass woman. Treat me like one. Fuckboy
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