$1.99 mimosas n bloodys til 3. Happy hour starts at 4. We're gonna ride the mechanical bull to kill the hour inbetween.
Please take video.
I may or may not have puked in my RA's suggestion box.
Woke up to 'distilleries' on the history channel. Proceded to vomit all over the floor. Back on the wagon today.
I am drinking at a movie theater seeing a children's movie, 2nd time this week
He came in, laid on our floor and started to make a snow angel.. On the floor. Then he just left never said a word. 20 mins later walked back in and dropped his pants, looked down and said "wow im happy i had boxers on."
Apparently i just threw up in the bathroom, i told them i just blew my nose. i don't think they believe me...
He said he had bite marks on his back... Turns out he had to throw me over his shoulder, and I was really reluctant.
She is ok w me having sex for money. Just gotta find rich grandmas.
We found her on a strangers doorstep chanting "I know someone will let me in" it took 2 of us to drag her to the car.
In the world of sexual, erotic texting, you rank somewhere between "how much teeth do you want" and "how dry do you want it"
I'm high and I have a consensual booty call on the way and just thought that it was a good time to let you know that I think that you are a stellar person.
wow, being home for Xmas is freaking weird on tinder. I went to high school with everyone I'm matching... The fact that this many jocks like me now is a huge ego boost from my lack of glory days.
...and I'm done. I just matched two boys I used to babysit without realizing it.
Drunk me really does appreciate that sober me made a list of movies to watch when drunk it saves so much time
Dude, I'm not going to use a butt plug.
He stopped me mid blowjob and asked me to take off my hat. He said it made him feel like Neil Young was going down on him.
Randomize
