I'm think I may have given your ex's number to a convicted sex offender.
Win!
and by charming I mean he has a horse cock.
its fine. mom just made me chug a long island. and made a crying face when i balked. we'll talk tomorrow.
That was an excessively violent trivia night
Just did a slip and slide down a five story staircase in my dorm. Being an engineer is fucking awesome
Why is there an ambulance refusal in my pocket? I'm never going drinking with you again.
Did he seem like the type of guy that would maybe take weed as payment?
Yknow what, if there is a thug life for white bitches, I'm living it. I went out on a date, watched howls moving castle with my brother till he passed out, then went and got some a+ dick, and made it home in time to take my mom to work. Now its 7am, I'm in bed with some free tacos, and when I'm done eating I'm going to sleep. What a great night.
Yeah man... I ordered donuts, drank wine, and cried to a movie with Seth Rogen in it. Do you really think I have my shit together?
Random pof guy just messaged me initiating a Pokemon battle. Want to be a bridesmaid?
how do you make "fuck me in the break room" sound casual?
Just motorboated this 18 year old girl at the bar. The first time was my idea the other 3 she made me. Maybe turning 27 won't be so bad. Haha.
sober me doesnt really want him anymore, but when drunk me takes over, she might want him, and god only knows the shit that might happen with drunk me.
sam was dropping a deuce next to me. wrote me a note that said "glad we shared this experience." passed it under the wrong stall. the other guy picked it up. that's all I know so far.
Your vagina must be outstanding or have a secret entrance to Narnia if someone is will to fly from Texas for one night of it.
Randomize
