I have nothing to say, just wanted ur phone to vibrate
I think id rather eat ped egg shavings.
Took her home last night and it was like trying to put an oyster in a slot machine. I may have drank a little too much.
and then you made a playlist that was just "party in the usa" on repeat...
omg. he's a virgin strip club employee who's going to college on a ping pong scholarship. this is unreal.
Are you around on Saturday? Feeling a trip over
Wet with either fear or sexual excitement
I think a mixture of both is appropriate
I found a lucrative side business - giving rides home to drunk oil executives. Very profitable.
It's not really that big. Girls just think it feels big. It's a cocktical illusion.
I feel like my nipples were chewed on by alligators.
We fucked on shrooms. It's like his dick was a beam of light and when I came I turned into a prism and my orgasms were made of rainbows.
I just dropped a paperclip into my cleavage while talking to the company president... That's an awkward moment.
Did you at least offer to let him get it out??
did i just see you in the movie theater carrying a margarita into Frozen?
All the 6 year olds are jealous of my alcohol
He asked if I was a pirate because my "arrrrrrrrse" was worth burying. 10/10 for effort, 20/10 for serial killer vibes.
why do i have a pole dance champion shot glass?
You coming to give me head and eat tacos?
Randomize
