It wouldn't matter if you are Jesus Christ himself, you are not getting into the bar tonight
I haven't had sex in so long I'll probably find some stranger, feel guilty, go w/o sex for several months and do it all over again...always something to look forward to
OH MY GOD! I just remembered how we ended our bar time last night: picking up and drinking random drinks that ppl had left. wtf is wrong with us?! that's so ghetto!
No. You're kidding.
I am not. I wish I were. I speak the truth.
You wouldn't stop asking the hibachi cook if his knife was a hattori hanzo
It tastes like I coughed up blood....hello liver damage, I've been expecting you.
I just want you to know that if I ever had to fight man eating flowers or flying turtles to save my friends they'd be fucked. No one's worth all that bullshit. PS I really need to stop playing Wii while drunk.
He's reached the drunk point where he's trying to convince the family to buy falcons as pets. Can't wait to see how my steak turns out
In a bar surrounded by couples hooking up. I'm just staring at one. Not drunk enough. Come save me.
things I never thought I would say vol. 24 "Bagpipes just remind me that my relationship is over"
I totally almost forgot you fucked that guy. St. Patty's bar crawls always have a drawback.
I got to see a stripper that did magic last night. It was glorious.
I found the crust to my pizza under my covers that's cool
Quote from doctor, "that is a VERY angry vagina".
I'm fucked.
Drunk field day, hangover yoga and sober archery practice
Just flash them and yell "JUDGE THESE BITCHES"
I ran into the marine at the grocery store. Its like my vag and his penis have this way of finding each other when I least want it.
Randomize
